We must not forget that if we must stop wars, we must get rid of the causes of war. One weakness that is common to all mankind is self justification. We are always right in our own eyes whatever we say or do. A bad man is worse when he pretends to be a saint. No matter how many times you are right, you may once be wrong. Blaming your fault on nature does not change the nature of your fault. He who cannot say, “I am sorry” cannot hear “I forgive you”. Sorry cannot repair a spoiled shoe but it can heal the mind. Be humble to own up your faults. Men defend nothing more violently than the pretensions they live by.
An unrepentant and arrogant wrongdoer will blame everybody but himself. If you make a mistake and make an excuse for the mistake, you are making two mistakes. Admitting one’s fault is not easy but a humble righteous man does it with ease. Friction in human relations is often the result of confusion, frustration, fear and doubt within the individual who, often times mirrors these negative states of mind in other people, thus making harmony impossible. Show me a man who hates and I will show you a man who believes that he is hated.
The dictionary defines attitude as “a manner of acting, feeling or thinking that shows one’s disposition”. That means that how we think determines how we respond to others. Your view of another is a direct reflection of your own “mind set”. Our attitude towards the world around us depends on what we are ourselves. If we are selfish, we will be suspicious of others. If we are honest with ourselves, we wont always be anticipating deceit in others. If we are inclined to fairness, we won’t feel that we are being cheated. It is the adulterous that always suspect adultery. In a sense, looking at the people around you, you will see a reflection of the man inside you. Unless a person is at peace with himself, he cannot be at peace with others, just as we cannot give to others what we don’t have. Though you travel the world over to find peace or love, you must carry it or you find it not. How to inspire peace or love in another is by first cultivating it in yourself, those who bring happiness into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves. Failure outside is from within. I find time to criticize others when I am failing and angry with myself. You can always tell a failure by the way he criticizes success. Envy gathers the stones that jealousy throws at success.
A whole lot of the quarrels we have are born out of misunderstanding, with its resultant negative reactions, especially evil speaking. Sharp words make more wounds than doctors can heal. Politeness is like an air cushion, there may be nothing in it but it eases our jolts wonderfully. He who says or does what he likes often ends up hearing what he doesn’t like. Being right is not being convenient. An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult. Angry words take just one moment and bring forth a flood of tears. But the wound they create lingers on for months and years. What goes out of the mouth is more harmful than what goes into it. But true as this may be, at times what the proud and arrogant call harmful words are words of correction given to them that affect their ego. He who cannot stand criticism cannot contain praise. When we are criticized, the thing that should concern us is whether the criticism is true or false, not whether the person doing the criticizing is a friend or an enemy. Our enemies often tell us more truths about ourselves than our friends do. A statement may be bad but useful. I better be saved by criticism than be destroyed by praise. I better be pruned to grow than left to be destroyed. A real enemy is that friend who does not correct you when you are wrong. If you are proved right you gain little but if you are proved wrong you gain much for you will learn the truth. The proud likes to hear only what he thinks of himself. The truth may not always be what you want to hear. To avoid being criticized, say nothing, do nothing and be nothing. Also know that flowers of self respect cannot grow in the soil of sinful habits. Whoever wants respect must be respected. A tantrum makes a toff a harridan, so be constructive in your criticism. Do not be the type who feel fulfilled when they vocally skin their victims.
Another effective way of avoiding quarrel is to avoid arguments. The more arguments you win the more enemies you will make. But the truth is that argument is one thing you will never win by being involved in it. The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. Discuss, rather than argue because an argument tries to prove who is right while a discussion tries to prove what is right. Avoid wrestling with a pig because you will get dirty doing it but the pig enjoys the dirt. If you bandy words with a bantam you may need a bandage. Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. But let not meekness be taken for weakness. And fear taken for faith.
Tale-bearing is another thing to beware of. Where there are no talebearers, troubles cease. If you enjoy a gossip against your brother, it may be you don’t hate your brother but surely you don’t love him. And if you hate your brother on account of hearsay, you are not wise. We do well to believe less than we are told. Wise people do not believe everyone who chatters to them since they know that human nature is weak and is chained to evil and very easily betrayed into slips of the tongue. The older I get the less attention I pay to what people say, I just watch what they do. See with your eyes. Hear with your ears but let your mind do the sifting. Delay your judgment because what you have seen or heard may not be the whole truth. Never choose me without understanding and never loose me because of misunderstanding. I may be wrong sometime somewhere but not every time everywhere. Learn to investigate, scrutinize and analyze all matters. Do not allow evil reports to make you to hate someone you should love. You and the report may be wrong. Don’t fall a prey to merchants of hatred.
Refuse to be downcast by hard words spoken by people against you especially when you are overcome by a temptation. The angels in heaven failed. Adam also failed in the beautiful garden. You are human. Make yourself a precious stone. No word as hard as it may be can hurt a stone. Listen to the word of Your Creator and careless about the words of men. “The Supreme Court of the Universe”, by grace had declared you not guilty. You are discharged and acquitted.
Carefully choose your reactions. Events are not as important as your reactions to them. What produces outcome is your reaction. It takes two to make a fight. If he beats you and you refuse to beat back, there would be no fighting. There would be a fight only if you beat him back. What caused the fight is not his beating but your reaction. Avoid negative reaction. Statements like: “Please forgive me”, and “I am sorry, I was wrong”. Can bind the devil and make him unable to carry out his evil work. You can even run away from Herod with “the child” to Egypt if need be. Turning your left cheek also to him who had slapped you on the right cheek, is a good tool in this “binding the devil” business. But retaliation, and statements like; “who are you?”, “you cannot do anything”, etc looses the devil and escalates his evil fire. Let good overcome evil. REPENTANCE AND FORGIVENESS binds the devil faster and better.
“I was wrong, I am sorry, forgive me” is not a sign of weakness as some may think. Instead, it is a strength. If you confess your fault and your brother forgives you, two of you have bound the devil – what a strength! BIND THAT DEVIL TODAY AND LET WAR SEIZE.
By BKC YAHKA
