You need to understand that relationship plays a vital role in your overall success in life. Having a good relationship, being able to relate well with your husband/wife, children, relatives, colleagues and people in general guarantees your success in life.
The great sage Akiva referred to relationship as “a basic principle in the Torah”.
If there is ever a single key to success in life, accomplishing a laudable achievement or achieving our desires for success in our personal, family and business life, it lies in our ability to love people, get along with people, and tolerate our fellow man. This is perfecting the will of our Creator “…If we love one another, Elohim dwells in us, and His love is perfected in us” (1 John 4:12).
The fact is, people hold the key to our various aspirations and the goals we want to achieve in this life. To perfect our love for our Creator, we must strive to perfect our human relationship. This is the only thing that will take us to where we are going in life. Success, happiness, victory over our enemies/circumstances including true fulfillment entirely depend on this.
UNDERSTANDING THE HUMAN RACE
All we have been saying is that the ability to relate to individual in the attitude of love, care and concern is the key to success in your home and business life. Rudyard Kipling said, “of all a man’s deeds, his greatest moment comes when he can look mankind in the eye and say, ‘Hail, Brother’.”.
Some years ago, a man, by name Henry Thoreau decided to pull out of human race. He went off to live in the splendid solitude of Walden pond. But it didn’t work as a solution. After two years, Henry was back in civilization, living the only life that can have meaning, one among fellow humans. 200 years ago, Samuel, Butler remarked, “A man by himself is in bad company”. Living our lives among fellow human beings is an inevitable issue. We are yet to live with Angels! It is people who make our world and our life. It is a biological, sociological and psychological fact. Our life becomes meaningful and worthwhile only in relation to people. Spinoza said it best. ”Man is a social animal”. A prescription of the Scripture is clear. “It is not good that man should live alone” Genesis 2:18.
So, to be human means to live this life you have in such a way as to be willing to live your life as a human being among your fellow humans.
Make up your mind to accept the fact that people are both good and bad, weak and strong, responsible and irresponsible, kind-hearted and evil hearted.
LOVE THEM NOTWITHSTANDING!
Understand that no matter what kind of person an individual is, he is still very much human. He is subject to immutable laws of Biology and varied social nature. He is also subject to the general human weakness, shortcomings and imperfections!
The Psalmist said, “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me” (Psa.51:5)
When the Scripture commanded, “Love your fellow as yourself” (Lev. 19:18), it implies that we should love our fellowman despite his imperfections and short comings, acknowledging the fact that we equally have our own shortcomings. In the same way, our fellowman is expected to love us and accept us in spite of our weaknesses and imperfection.
“Therefore, whatsoever you would that men should do unto you, do you even likewise unto them (or treat others as you would like others treat you),” Math.7:12.
GUIDELINES TO PERFECTING OUR HUMAN RELATIONS
1. Learn to love the Creator and His creation. Human beings are the peak, the master-piece of His creation on earth; therefore while loving Him, love them!
You cannot love Him without loving them. To love them is to love He who created them.
2. Learn to love mankind passionately. Dr. Harrison B. Taylor, addressing a conference of 300 wives of business executives said, “One of the keys to a happy successful home is a real genuine interest in people”.
It is not truly a human nature, but it is necessarily a nature of Elohim that ought to be developed in man. Thus, we should try to develop a genuine interest and positive feeling for our fellow human beings.
3. Learn to tolerate others. Act as though everybody is your relative. The commentary on Lev. 19:17, AytzChayim, published by the Jewish publication society. says.
“You shall not hate your kinsfolk in your heart”. The literal meaning of your kinsfolk’ is your brother. The following verse speaks of loving one’s neighbor, and this verse prohibits hating one’s brother. Hirach suggest that though we can lose the status of being a friend or a neighbor (by quarrelling, by moving away), we can never stop being related to a brother, even if he hurts us. Therefore, we are forbidden to hate him. This is one of the rare instances when the Torah seems to command feelings rather than behavior.
Your attitude of mind and feelings toward others matter a lot. There is a saying, “the thoughts and motive of men speak louder in heaven than their actions. The Torah, “Thou shall not hate your brother in your heart” is stressing the fact that what goes on in your heart or mind is more important than your actions displayed.
TOLERANCE
Therefore, let tolerance guide our thoughts, our words, and actions, but never use it as a pretext to weakness which would go against our ideals. Let us strive daily to do for others that which we would like them do for us, and let us accept others as they are, understanding the fact that they are but humans and not Angels.
“For if you forgive men their sins (offences) your heavenly Father will also forgive your sins (offences). But if you do not forgive others who sin against (offend) you; neither will your heavenly Father forgive you” (Mt 5:14 15).
Likewise, if you tolerate others, your heavenly Father will tolerate you. If you do not tolerate others, neither will your heavenly Father tolerate you!
This is the summary of the judgment of Heaven going on in this world over our thoughts and actions. Auren Uris in his Book, The Mastery of People. noted: “Your attitude toward people is an important key to drawing you closer to your fellow human beings. Once you replace negative feelings for people by positive ones, you can understand them better, and eliminate the psychological obstacles that often come between a would be leader and those he would like to master.” 4. Dedicate yourself to perfecting your relationship with your fellow man. What can you do to perfect your relationship with your fellow man? What are the skills that will enable you get along with others, in order to achieve your desired goals?
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF HUMAN RELATIONS
1. Have unshakable integrity, a good attitude and a thorough knowledge of the skills necessary to do the job well 2. Smile as you speak to people. It takes 72 muscles to frown, but only 14 to smile. And a smile is the first thing that you notice about others 3. Call people by name.
4. Be friendly, helpful and encouraging.
5. Speak and act like everything you do is a genuine pleasure
6. Be genuinely interested in people.You can like almost anybody if you really try.
7. Be generous with your praise and careful with your criticism. Remember, the best thing to do behind a person’s back is to pat it.
8. Be considerate of the feelings of others. See things from other people’s point of view, don’t be know-it-all, take time to be kind.
9. Be of service to others.
10. Develop a good sense of humor.
CLIMBING THE LADDER OF SUCCESS
To succeed in your personal, family and business life, here are other rungs of the ladder that can take you to the heights in your bid to perfect your human relationship and get along with others.
Love of people
Strong affection for people
Liking for people
Deep interest in people
Achieving the 6 major things which everybody wants in life i.e. happiness, health, prosperity, security, peace of mind and hope depends to a large degree on relationship.
You can’t be happy, or successful if you can’t get along with others-if you don’t have a good relationship with others. Be it your wife, your husband, your family, your friends, the people you serve and the people that serve you, your neighbors, employers, employees, etc the same principle applies.
Kitzur Shulchan Aruch:
The classic guides to the everyday observance of Jewish law, by Rabbi ShlomoGanzfried states thus, is mitzvah incumbent on every individual to love each and every Jew as one loves one’s own body as (Lev. 19:18) states: Love your colleague as yourself. Therefore, one should always speak favourably of another Jew and care for his honor and prosperity as one cares for his own. A person who seeks to glorify himself through his colleague’s dishonor will not receive a share in the world to come unless he fully repents”.
(The above applies even though one’s colleague is not present and no shame will reach him furthermore. even if nothing was said explicitly to discredit him, but rather, one merely compared his own good deeds or wisdom against those of his colleague in manner which will make him appear honourable and his colleague shameful.)
A person who hates a fellow Jew in his heart violates a negative command, for (Lev. 19:17) states: ‘Do not hate your brother in your heart.” If one is wronged by a colleague, one should not despise him, but should remain silent. We find this practice (even) among the wicked, as (2 Samuel 13:22)relates, ‘Avsholom did not speak to Amon at all, neither good nor bad, for Avsholom hated Amon!
Rather, it is a mitzvah to confront one’s colleague and ask him: why did you do such and such? Why did you wrong me in this way?, as (Lev. 19:17) commands: “you shall surely rebuke your colleague”.
If the latter asks for forgiveness, one must not be cruel but should grant forgiveness, as can be learned from Abraham’s example, as (Gen 20:17) relates “And Abraham prayed to Elohim and Elohim healed Avimelek”
LOOK UNTO ABRAHAM
One of the greatest men that ever lived on this earth was Abraham the patriarch. He demonstrated a great deal of an excellent example on relationship. He left us a clue on how to handle quarrels, in case it arises in any relationship. In Genesis chapter 13, verse 7, we read, “And there was a strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdsmen of Lot’s cattle…”
This was a crisis that would have caused a serious problem between Abraham and Lot his nephew. But what did Abraham do?
“And Abram said unto Lot, let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdsmen and thy herdsmen, for we are brethren…
He did not consider that he was the elder and Lot was the younger. He applied a principle that works everywhere and in every relationship that is; ‘personal approach and openness.’ We equally saw from the case cited above how Abraham humbly forgave Abimelek the king who trespassed on his right. If we endeavor to learn from Abraham’s exemplary life we shall be able to ride the bumps in every human relationship. The truth is, where there are people, there must be pain. Yes, hurts and misunderstanding must invariably occur. Yet, by applying the principles recommended in the Scriptures and in this article, we would be perfecting our inter-personal relationship and be able to achieve whatever we desire to achieve in this life (MZ).
-C.C.Emeka
