It is USUALLY in one’s youth that one chooses a life partner, and for that reason.
It is very necessary to be converted early, so that one’s choice may be directed by Yahweh Himself. Is there anything more beautiful than the engagement period; two hearts really in love, and the wedding day drawing near? The whole worlds seem enchanted- and yet, let us face up to the fact that, afterwards, most people find more cause for tears than laughter. The long columns of divorce cases in the newspapers prove this to be true! Why? The only answer: Yahweh was never consulted. They chose their life-partners themselves, Instead of leaving the choice to Him who alone knows the human heart, often so deceitful!
“But how shall I know whom Yahweh has destined for me? It is as though I see the anxious, troubled countenance of my young questioner before me! Yes, I admit that sometimes it is very difficult to know, but here, again, the dear old Bible is so practical with our Father’s glorious promises: “Trust in Yahweh with all your heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thine ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”(Prov.3:1-6). “Trust in Yahweh, and do good; so shall thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in Yahweh; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto Yahweh; trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass” (Psalm 37:3-6). In other words, you must submit yourself to Him in all things if you want Him to take full responsibility for your future.
Sometimes, unfortunately, there are young believers even, who marry the wrong person, and then they blame Yahweh: “I know I have been a strong believer and very committed in the work of Yahweh, and yet, see how unhappy I am today!” Yes, but one can have all those positions and even more, and yet have a heart which is not perfectly consecrated to Him! Are you sure that your all was on the altar, that you had not kept the Messiah out of certain intimate parts of your life, thus giving the devil a foothold?
If a marriage is from Yahweh, it is wonderful how two people, even of completely two different temperaments, can complement each other. On the other hand, there are those who will never “round off” each other because their natures are in compatible. They could stay together for years, but the sweetness of true comradeship would still remain something unknown to them.
To be of “a kindred spirit” is the most essential element in marriage, and two people, who are destined for each other by Yahweh, always enjoy this compatibility. Without it, there can be no real harmony. Physical relationship, no matter how holy and pure it may be, can never stand the test of time. Only two souls, truly united and knitted together in the Messiah, will always prefer one another’s company to that of any other person!
It is also most essential to have the same interests in life. A modern writer truthfully said: “To love means ‘looking in the same direction’!” Here again, the infinite wisdom of Yahweh is as a bright light shining in the darkness. 2 Corinthians 6: 14-16; “Be ye not equally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath the Messiah with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of Yahweh with Idols? For ye are the temple of the living Elohim; as Yahweh hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their Elohim, and they shall be my people.”
Have you noticed the words used here? In the first sentence, “fellowship”; the second, “communion”; in the third, “concord”; in the fourth, “part”; in the fifth, “agreement”. Well, then, take these five words, and all they represent, out of marriage-and see what is left! They are the foundation. The walls, and the roof of a home. Take them away and what remains – absolutely nothing! Only tears and divorce courts.
One cannot afford to fall in love “at first sight” with a beautiful face, a handsome figure, an outstanding talent. Above all, it is essential to know if that person is Yahweh’s choice for you! Your feelings must be fully confirmed by, firstly: Spiritual affinity – “Is this Yahweh’s choice for me?”; secondly: “Are your interests the same?”
Religion plays a important part here. If you consider yourself a true child of Yahweh, never imagine you can be happy with somebody who is not also born again. There can be no “fellowship”, “communion”, “concord”, “part”, or “agreement”, in such a marriage!
We have a friend who has been an attorney all his life, and has handled thousands of divorce cases. One day I asked him: “What are the most common cause of divorce?” Without a moment hesitation, he answered: “Religion and money!” Perhaps you say: “Oh, I thought it was flirtation and adultery!” Yes, but firstly, these two things, religion and money, cause all disunity and unhappiness; destroying all “fellowship”, “communion”, “concord”, “part”, “agreement”, with the result: interest in somebody else, and – adultery, of course!
For instance, Friday night your unconverted wife or husband wants to go to club. You desire to go to evening service and Bible study. Saturday morning, he or she wants to go for a picnic with unconverted friends – you want, of course, to go to the synagogue for worship on the Sabbath day! If you don’t accompany him or her on Sunday to one party or the other, there is quarrel, there is misunderstanding! Next day, there is another difference of opinion, taste, and habits; and so it continues!
Doesn’t this go on all the time, in homes where people “look in different directions?” Judge for yourself. Where do “fellowship”, “communion”, “concord”, “part”, and “agreement” come in? What unity can there be in such a marriage? These are the only features which make life sweet and worthwhile, and they don’t exist in a divided marriage! Do you see how utterly impossible it is to be happy in such cases?
The devil deceives many young believers with this wishful thinking: “Oh yes, but after we are married, I will win him or her for the Messiah!” That happens once in a thousand – perhaps. If you don’t succeed in winning them before the marriage, you have much less hope afterwards, because you have married against Yahweh’s Word and He cannot take responsibility – and do you think you can convert him or her?
Thinking back on the years in the ministry, I can remember having seen nothing but tears, sorrow, and disappointment in such divided homes; trying to serve “two masters”. It may mean that you have to choose between Heaven and Hell, the day you choose your life – partner – few can stand firm when there is continual fight about churches, religion and worldly pleasures. Perhaps, like many others, “for the sake of peace”, you will throw your religion or faith overboard, and just try to “be good”, but there is no such thing.
Yahshua Himself warned us in Mathew 12:43-45; “When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he comes, he findeth it empty, swept and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” Should this then happen to you, what kind of life-partner will you be? Or what tender affection would you be capable with your soul in such a state? Could you bring up children for Heaven’s glory? No wonder the Bible says in Amos 3:3; “Can two walk together, except they agree?”
On the other hand, don’t try to appease your conscience by saying: “I will keep on going to church. “Are you very sure that you will be able to do so while your husband or your wife persists in running after worldly pleasures? Before long, he or she usually finds “somebody else”, only too willing to accompany them! Before you know it, your place is taken.
Perhaps you say in your simplicity: “Oh no, not my daring, he or she loves me too much” …yes several innocent people, before you, thought the same until, too late, their eyes were opened when the great shock came, followed by years of loneliness and bitterness. I hear you interrupt, “Oh, but really, I know few homes where one is a believer and the other not, yet they are not divorced and seem to get on quite well!” My question is,–and you feel that you will not fare so badly after all?” True enough, in some cases they are not divorced, because, for the sake of their children, many people endure much! Then, too, you meet them only in the social way, where everyone puts on the best possible appearance, and assumes an air of gaiety.
But, if you were their minister, visiting their home often, and they confided in you, you will soon find that their inside story of indescribable mental agony and remorse do not at all correspond with the genial exterior which outsiders generally encounter. Where vital interests clash, underlying principles are in conflict, and even if the marriage-tie is not broken, nevertheless, in secret, hearts do break! Do you realize, also, what children have to suffer in a divided home, where there is no peace or agreement or communion?
Oh, how much you need Yahshua IN YOUR YOUTH! Not just on your wedding-day, as some people tell you –usually that is far too late-but the day an unconverted person starts showing interest in you! Don’t play about with such a relationship or you will get caught. Ask Yahweh at once to give you grace to do what the Bible says. Make a clean break without delay, and great shall be the reward Yahweh will give you! These “affairs” start off so fascinatingly – unfortunately they end so differently!
ADAPTED.
J. C. de ferrieres
