I am compelled to write this article because of the high number of burials I have had to attend in recent times. Young vibrant men at the prime ages of 40 and 50 are dropping dead daily. I become involved because their wives are either my close personal friends or relations and majority of these deaths occur through heart failure, road accidents, Kidney failures.
The American journal of Medicine has proven through research that a man will live up to 70 years and beyond if he is in a stable relationship. A woman on the other hand is more resilient and will outlive her husband under most circumstances. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:31 ” For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joint unto his wife and they shall be one flesh”. This implies that a man cannot live a whole life without his wife. My question is this: what role have we played as wives to prolong the lives of our husbands? The immediate response that will come to your mind is to ask ” Am I God”? NO, but Yahweh expects you to play a very important role in the well-being of your husband. He says in Ephesians 5:22- 23 “wives submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Yahweh. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as The Messiah is the head of the Assembly”. In Ephesians 4: 31- 32 God says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as the Messiah forgave you”
Do we live in bitterness and frustration with our husband? I know some women whose family feels very relieved whenever she has to travel out of town. Tension in the house is reduced and there is peace. Some women even boast of making their house “hot”, as if this is something to be proud of. Such acts only create a gap between you and your husband and children.
The Bible in proverbs 31: 10- 31 describes the ideal wife and mother. I believe that the story of the virtuous woman is given here to serve as model for all women who wish to be Christian wives and mothers. Verse 10-20 describes our model as trustworthy and morally perfect. Can your husband confide in you? Or do you wait until he is all dressed up for work, then you stand in front of your house to announce to all who care to listen, what a useless man you have married. It may be that things are a bit difficult for him and you are required to manage the house keeping. I had a discussion with an orange seller recently and she told me that her daily take home sales from the orange is N200 out of which she feeds her family of 5, because her husband had lost his job as a driver. This gave me food for thought and I went back and looked through my housekeeping list. I found that many items on the list were luxury items that will only create health problems for my family.
Our Bible model is tireless and dutiful in her labours. She toils day and night to provide for her family. Many of us sit at home and expect our husbands to provide everything for us “After all, he is the man of the house”. Well, we are wrong. We have a part to sure play as well. We should complement their efforts so that even if we were to loose our husbands, the strain of looking after the family would not be too much In verse 20-26, our model is charitable, generous and wise. She gives to the poor and needy and her husband is known and respected not only for his position, but because he is the husband of a woman held in high esteem. Can we say this about ourselves? I have met women who feel that they married beneath their status and always make their husbands don’t forget this fact. If you have agreed to marry a guy, you must put aside your status, your our money, your father’s name and money and marry him with all your heart. If you must spend your money, it should be spent to enhance the status of your husband, because his success is your success; and as the popular saying goes “Behind every successful man is a woman”.
The last funeral I attended was quite pathetic. My friend married beneath her status and the marriage embarrassed her. She treated her husband with disdain while he was alive and frustrations led him to drink and later death. My friend is so broken hearted that it is hard to reconcile the disdain and the cut grief she is displaying. There are many such stories of women who live a life of pretense and lies. I hated a particular friend’s husband just from all the stories she had told me about him. Until he died from robbery attack and I found out differently. The widow is now forced to raise four children all by herself, because she failed to encourage or appreciate the efforts of her late husband. Verse 27-31 talks about a humble and energetic woman, whom her children call blessed. Her husband praises her works and she is kind and loving, training her children in Yahweh’s way. It is easy to call our model a “superwoman” when you consider the world we live in today. Some men now marry women for money, others for position. Some others are unfaithful, while others are deceitful. Psalm 119: 165 says “Great peace have they who love your law and nothing can make them stumble”. A woman has to obey Yahweh’s Word and be at peace with herself not minding what she has to face and Yahweh will do the rest. The big question again? What role are you playing as a wife to ensure that your husband lives to a ripe old age? Make a commitment to change your marriage for the better. Treat your husband as a partner rather than a competitor. Nobody is perfect, rather let us learn to live with our imperfections knowing that only Yahweh is perfect.
FOUR PRACTICAL STEPS TO TAKE.
1. Give your family healthy meals
2. Make the home environment stress free
3. Encourage your husband to take up a sport or some form of exercise
4. Pray for your husband everyday
By: Gertrude Akhimien
ADAPTED.
