Although idleness is the devil’s workshop, busyness can as well be if while we are busy here and there, we fail in our main responsibility. The best thing to spend on your children is your time. They are the suckers that will grow when the old banana tree dies. A prodigal son can have no greater asset than a praying father, or mother. Take pride in your children responsibly. Success without a successor is a failure. The best investment parents can make is training their children. There can be no greater title held by a man than that of a “father” but it is never legitimate to claim right without duty. We protect our rights when we perform our responsibilities. Sufficient investment in children can make one who is not a king to be a father of kings. “Honour your father and mother”, is often quoted for children, but parents should not demand honour from children they did not labour to bring up well. We don’t reap from where we did not sow. This calls not for disrespect but for responsibility. Parents are to their children what trellis is to a tendril for an upward climb.
It is better to go to your grave with no children at all, than to have children that are evil. What you fail to destroy will destroy you. So put in all you can to train up your children in the right way they should go. Discipline is an act of love. Sometimes you have to be unkind to be kind. Not all medicines are sweet. We discipline to restore not to destroy. Discipline is sweet. It is the act of training the mind and character to produce self-control and habit of obedience. Our heavenly Father’s love for His children is according to His nature LOVE; His anger is only according to His office. He loves because He is love; He frowns because it is necessary for our good. The Philistines or Assyrians could overcome Israel only when Israel had sinned. Circumstances overcome us when we sin. But instead of repenting, we complain against the Hand that is disciplining us for our good.
Be a good teacher at home. A teacher is a behavioral change agent. Love, affection and attention are perhaps the best reward any teacher can offer a student for appropriate behaviour. Therefore, the teacher who takes interest in his or her student is more reinforcing than the teacher who uses only punishment or whose praise is obviously insincere. Students who are allowed to set some of their own classroom goals, who are encouraged to work at their own speed in their own fashion, usually learn better and are happier than pupils whose noses are held firmly against the academic grindstone.
The attention that we pay to others is often a very powerful reinforcer. If a teacher always reprimands or calls attention to a student’s misbehavoiur, probably, the misconduct may increase. But if the teacher appears not to notice such misbehavior but instead offers public praise whenever the student happens to be quiet, attentive or hard at work, the good conduct will also increase. Though this philosophy may have some flaws, but it is very rewarding. Give it a trial before disparaging this pedagogy. Let the first teachers of the child (the parents) adopt it at home.
It is good to discipline your children. But do not forget that the best safeguard for a younger generation is a good example by the older generation. No rebuke is as powerful as the influence of a good example. You are setting an example everyday for that little one who is waiting to grow up to be like you. His little young eyes are watching you. And we learn by imitation and assimilation. Heredity and environment are powerful influences on character. It is, monkey see, monkey do. In the training of a disciple, the example of the trainer’s life works more effectively than doctrinal instructions. How confusing when someone gives a good advice but sets a bad example. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
There is no truer index to intelligence than good behavior. What we want from the fig tree is fruit not beauty. Do not be like a torch-light bearer, who shows light to others while he remains in darkness. If we wish to direct others in the path of righteousness, the principles of righteousness must be enshrined in our own heart. It is inconsistent to say you believe as you should while you are behaving as you shouldn’t. Be a pattern to your children. “Do as I do” is the best training. Children trace the trail of those who train them.
It is good and natural to have anxiety about the future of our family, but it will be better if we turn it into care about our own character. If we live in integrity before the Creator, we shall do more to bless our posterity than if we bequeath them with large estate. A father’s holy life is a rich legacy for his sons. The upright man leaves his heirs with his good example and this in itself is a treasure mine. A father’s good reputation opens doors for his children for people see them as children of a man who could be trusted; progeny is according to paternity. Parents should care more about their children’s holiness than their happiness. If you are seemingly rich, make time to teach your children humility. It is hard for the children of the rich to be humble. And without humility the future is fragile. These days, many youths have chosen the path of destruction. Parents whose children have gone way-ward should not easily get discouraged if their child do not at once respond to their effort for reformation. There is still hope for the lost to be found, and for the prodigal son to take his rightful position in the family. Your child is still precious. The bible tells the story of a lost coin. While the coin was lost, lying in the dirt and rubbish, it was still silver. Its owner sought it because he knew its value. It is your duty to seek the lost, because any mind that is under the control of Satan, (the prince of the darkness of this world) is not allowed to see the beauty of truth.
Again, never you forget that your Maker is the strength of your life. He said, “Without me you can do nothing”. A man can have nothing except it be given to him from above. So make time to abide in His presence. Going about doing good is good. But do not be so busy in the ministry of “The Lord” and forget “The Lord” of the ministry. IN HIS PRESENCE is the best place to spend your time. Stop pursuing shadow. Everything we can see is a shadow cast by the real thing we cannot see. Pursue reality. In prayer (praise), we are never alone. This is one of the great gains of prayer. In it we join a host of other creatures who are praying or praising at the same time in the large, glorious room called – HIS PRESENCE. What a fellowship. What a place to be.
To the mothers, I say; teach your children to fear and honor their father. He is the head of the home. You have the greater share of the fault if your children do not respect their father. Your own respect and security is in danger if the man-in-the-house is not respected. The fear of the father is the beginning of wisdom in the family. A real father has the kind of love and maturity needed to keep his children from making bad decisions about their future. A daughter who does not fear and honor her father cannot respect her husband when she gets married. Do to your husband what you would like your daughters to do to him and their husbands.
Always have time for your daughters. If you become busy here and there and have no time for your daughter, she may soon make you an illegal grandmother. Keep watch and ward on your children. In case of complacency on the part of your husband, do all you can to take good care of your household. All things are yours. You are born to inherit the land wherein you are a stranger. Shoulder all responsibilities cheerfully if need be. If marriage failed you as a wife, don’t fail your children as a mother. Protect them with your last breathe.
The importance placed upon the early training of children cannot be over emphasized. Lessons learned, and habits formed during the early years of infancy and childhood, have more to do with the formation of character and direction of life than all the trainings and instructions of after years.
An education in the things that concern character and eternity is more important than a knowledge of many of the sciences taught in schools. A good parent may be unsung, unpraised and unnoticed, yet it is one of the greatest assets of the society. One good mother is more than a thousand schoolmasters. It is good parentage that gives birth to good society. Let all parents know that providing is not parenting. Providing needs without good parentage is destructive.
Some kind of fruits do better in some places than others; why? Because climate determines what grows well in a place. Parents should create the atmosphere of sunshine of love, cheerfulness and happy contentment in their home. Their growing children need these as young plants need air and sunshine. What the parents are, that , to a great extent, will the children be. This life is a relay race. The baton handed over to us, we must make sure we hand over to others; and in such a way that will ensure victory for our team.
Be mindful of what your children watch on the television screen. The television is good but the devil lives in it. There is death in that great pot called the Internet. It is one of the widest gate-ways to hell. Remember that we become by beholding, and by beholding, we are changed! Be meticulous in checking the activities of your children. That which you think does not matter, may become a dozen of matters. An evil giant if killed when he was an infant would not grow up to be a menace to the society. That which you fail to destroy will destroy you. Be angry against evil in your house. Anger, if well managed, is not a vile trait but a virtue. It is not sin to be angry, but under the power of anger man can become vulnerable to sin; hence the warning: be angry but sin not. Don’t be a garrulous parent. Garrulity discourages children and creates confusion and insecurity at home. Tacit rebuke can be effective. We discipline to correct not to destroy. If you use force to remove a tender fluted pumpkin or yam stem from a wrong place it is climbing, in order to place it in a better place you want it to climb, you will break it. It needs care and love. Bring up your children in the same way. It is through acts of love and kindness that ferocious animals are tamed not by force. Be careful that you don’t break a bruised reed nor quench a smoking flax. Wake up! Be not among the parents who are active workers in the church while their children are strangers to the grace that brings salvation. Do not be like the phone repairer who was so busy repairing phones for other people to make calls that he had no time to call his own family.
Maybe your child needs a little longer rope. In this our world of reality, childishness is washed away with time and experience. We should deprecate deprivation, dereliction and derogation, as they lead to depreciation, depression, depravity, destiny depredation and derision. Every father should labour to see that: “he that comes after me is mightier than I”. Let him be increasing while you are decreasing. But let him who is coming recognize and honour the office and authority of he who was. Let all righteousness (protocol) be fulfilled: children obey your parents; students obey your teachers.
I advise you children to make yourselves open to correction. Your Parents love you and are working for your good. They want to create a real future in your future. Do not be bitter against them or develop lack of respect. If you do, you will develop psycho sclerosis. It is the hardening of the mind that you become unteachable. You stop learning and stop growing. It is the hardening of the heart, which takes away ability to feel, love and believe. While this diseases does not physically take lives, it robs people of the quality of life and success they deserve. To combat this disease, successful people stay humble, are constantly learning and growing, and reaching for new goals. The purpose of this life is growth, becoming the person you are capable of becoming. And this is what your parents want to help you to achieve. Of all the people around you, you are safest in the hands of your parents. Be open to them. Be malleable.
PARENTS, ARISE TO DUTY
-BKC YAHKA
