Garden Of Love

Of all human relationships, none is vital and enduring than that of the family and home. Though marriage is a union of two imperfect people, a happy marriage is the world’s best bargain. A man is never complete without the companionship of the woman of his choice with whom he will enjoy the fruits in this “garden of love”. All creation in their original perfection demonstrated the nature of their Creator. Before the earth became marred and defiled by sin; looking at nature, wisdom will speak to the eyes and the eyes will minister to the heart; that the work of the Most High is good and perfect. Very beautiful and sweet was this garden of love before the evil one sowed tares in it. Marriage is sweet if its original design is followed. Be careful to remove the weeds and the little foxes that spoil the beauty of this our garden. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured. If you are enduring your own, the enemy has done it. Resist the devil, and he will flee.
A fifty-year-old man who is not yet married is not a man indeed but an old boy. A duty dodged is like a debt yet to be paid. Don’t miss your chance to marry a wise and good lady. A gracious wife is worth more than gold. Any kind of food can be eaten but some are better than others. Be careful to choose a wife that satisfies your taste. The rib must fit in, if longer or shorter, you will have pains. A wicked wife is the worst affliction any man could get. Sin began with a woman, so don’t allow a bad wife to have her own way. Force her to obey your instructions. Do not be like king Ahab who was able to conquer and rule cities, but was unable to control his fiendish wife and rule his own house. Girls are beautiful in the face, wives are beautiful in character. They are beautiful in the simplicity of natural beauty, and the beauty of a meek and quiet spirit. Half of your beauty comes from the way you speak to and treat people. Whenever a house is on fire, paints burn first; beauty is best in the natural. Water has no taste, but no liquid is sweeter or better than it. It has no real substitute. Real beauty is found within – in the hidden man of the heart. It is better to marry an ugly angel than to marry a beautiful demon. Just remember that the devil was the most beautiful angel in heaven. So don’t allow beauty to fool you. Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful. Don’t marry a girl who does not respect and obey her father, she may not be a good wife.
But avoid being a tyrant. Tyranny is protection that has gone too far. It is only through the fear of your Maker that you can enjoy your life in this “garden of love” called marriage. If the power of love overcomes the love of power in your family, you will have peace. It is only when a man is subdued by his Maker that he will have strength to subdue things and circumstances. His Lordship in us determines His Lordship through us. The knowledge of divine truth prepares one better to perform the duties of everyday life. It is only through co-operation with the divine, that the power of man becomes efficient for good works. Principles of divine government should be applied in marriage, as it is a divine institution. The exercise of force is contrary to the principles of divine government. Heaven demands only the service of love; and love cannot be commanded; it cannot be won by force or authority. Only by love is love awakened. Using coercive measures to achieve obedience is unacceptable in the love-world. Getting compliance by force is criminality. True love is not possessive, it liberates. Love is like the sunlight which makes each thing radiates with its own colour. It is like the salt that seasons all foods, but it does not make all taste the same but brings out the unique flavour of the each of them. Love allows one to be himself or herself. Do not be a whirl wind, fire, thunder and lightening in your home. Be a still small voice. Be a husband and father, not a commander-in-chief. You are husband not horseband. Your wife will only dance according to your beating. Let your rhythm be gentle. If it is high and hard as a horseband, your wife will start to dance but will soon get tired, because she does not have horse strength. And that means trouble in your marriage. If the beating is soft, she will continue to dance beyond golden jubilee. In some homes, if a wife decides to dance well not minding her husband’s bad rhythm and lyrics, she will be considered stubborn. The “H” in husband stands for humility, “U” stands for understanding and “S” stands for sincerity. So, beat a band of humility, understanding and sincere love. For when a wife is treated right, submission comes naturally. Sincere love from the husband breeds sincere submission from the wife. Love is a compelling force to submission and obedience.
Many a marriage would be happier if the husband tries as hard to keep his wife as he did to win her. It is not enough getting married but staying happily married. Any marriage that ends in divorce; pride and unforgiveness is the cause. When there is trouble in the home, the man is the first suspect. You have got to make peace in your home before making peace in the Middle East. Wife battering is a crime against oneself. No reasonable man will get involved. Marriage is all about sharing, so if you have not mortified your selfishness, don’t look for a spouse.
Nine times out of ten, a good thing that can happen to any couple is to have to start with little and work out their salvation together. A wise man allows his wife to manage the home. Most women are frugal than men. “Wife” and “wise” have a common boundary. It is not an abomination if the woman controls you, after all she has been doing it since the day you were born. I am not suggesting matriarchy but mutual understanding. Even as it is written: “all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility”. Again, “through love serve one another”. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck that controls the head. I suggest that the husband, (the head) should be a head that has a listening ear. Listen to the woman by your side. Her idea may be good. Let her be a helper to you even in decision making. Learn to listen to the person by your side in order to achieve equal balance (harmony). Marriage is founded on love not on law. That is why I say, son in-love instead of son in-law; because he was born into my family through his love for my daughter. The best liberation movement for women is to teach the men to love their wives. Only true love can bring sense of real security in the home. And the best gift any man should give to his children is to love their mother. It is absurd of human to love honey but hate the bee. Endeavour to keep your wife happy because you cannot enjoy the stream when the spring is bad. To enjoy a good wife, you must be a good husband. As you should avoid uxoriousness, also avoid uxoricide. They are two extremes.
Any man who hates his wife for not giving birth to a male child is as foolish as the mother who hates her daughter for not wearing her resemblance. Any man that praises other women before his wife is creating room for suspicion. And a woman that gets angry each time she sees her husband with other women will soon look older than her grandmother. Marriage remains joyful when the husband is deaf and the wife is blind. Protect your nuptial happiness.
Cease not to try to attract your husband just because you are married. Your appearance is just as much a matter of pride to him as it ever was. Never resist your husband. A wise wife through submission and not confrontation wins her husband. She that is married seeks how to please her husband; on the dining table, in appearance, in the bed etc. Keep him at home. When two people marry they become one person, and that one person is the man. In the beginning, He made them male and female and called their name Adam. Before marriage, they were each a half human being, so they come together to form a whole. That is why man (one half) plus woman (another half) becomes ONE. Winning a man’s heart is often easy. It is easier to placate a man than a woman, because men were made from soft mud while women were made from hard bone. This is why a natural woman doesn’t forgive a wrong easily. And may explain why women hardly get tired doing their daily chores.
Marriage is a necessary life time bondage. Be well guided before you say yes to any marriage proposal. It is better to be single praying to be married than to be married wishing you are single. Being alone is better than being with a wrong person. Just like a shoe, if someone is meant for you, they will fit in well; no forcing, no struggling, and no pain. If you miss him or her, it maybe painful but you will soon realize that he or she was never yours. “Love is blind” was for the days when the earth was young. But today, we investigate, we scrutinize, and we analyze before we say yes. Many have learnt in a bitter way that all that glitter are not gold. It was in the days when Sarah, Abraham’s wife was a young girl that love believed all things. Today love has suffered much that it believes nothing without investigation. Experience has taught her that many are called but few are chosen.
Life in all aspects should be lived to please the Creator. We should not cast aside the truth and alter the scripture at the slightest objection to suite our convenience. Wrong choice of marriage partner is dangerous. It carries in itself many elements that can distract a soul unduly. When a wrong wife is married, a wrong child is likely to be born.
In the history of early development of mankind, the Cainites were observed to be going in one definite direction in their development, having no fear of the Creator, and the Sethites, too, were seen to be going in an entirely different direction, and these two streams of mankind were strictly keeping apart because they were utterly divergent in character. Later, the sethites (holy seed), became so badly contaminated as a result of the obliteration of moral distinction resulting from commingling of the two streams. The sethites became indiffrent to their heritage; the cainites developed high-handed violence. “And it came to pass when mankind began to multiply upon the face of the earth and daughters were born to them, that the holy seeds saw the daughters of men that they were fair, and they took to themselves wives which they liked”. This indiscriminate choice of wives that was based on the outward appearance attenuated the holy lineage untill the wickedness of man was great upon the earth; the earth became corrupt and filled with violence. But do not be over restricted by tribalism and denominationalism in choosing your spouse. Ruth was not an Israelite by birth. A good wife can be found even in Jericho or Moab. Don’t be a slave to endogamy. In making choice of a life partner, don’t be rigid, be adaptable. You are unlikely to find a wife or husband that has everything you want.
Do not marry a man that does not love you just because you are carrying his baby. Your life may end in misery. Lastly, the man and the woman should always remember that marriage is an institution where two forgivers meet together. This is necessary for a sweet connubial relationship. Fight to put unforgiveness to an end in your marriage before it puts your marriage to an end. In marriage, forgiveness makes the best to come after the worst. To get married is an act, to maintain it is a job. Make a fine job of it. Choose your love, and love your choice. You are the bridegroom: groom her well. He that loves his wife loves himself. Protect your marriage, the dark kingdom is let loose against it.
Concerning marriage, it is said: “And the two shall become one”. How is it possible? How can two become one? The answer is not simple. Perhaps it cannot be explained but experienced. Marriage is not a destination, but a journey. As a husband and his wife make this journey together, growing and maturing and learning more how to love, they will harvest harmony as a fruit of their good marriage. The two do not become one automatically, they grow into oneness. The real union of the two is a work of many years after wedlock. Love is like a small plant which can only grow if planted into the ground. Like a tree, love is a living thing which cannot remain motionless. But it takes time for it to grow and to bring forth its choicest fruits. The warmth of true love, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joy of heaven. Love is a gift from the Father of spirits. Pure and holy love is not a feeling but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind. Neither the husband nor the wife is perfect; so let each one’s strength supplements the other’s weakness, but not to be cavilers. Give no place to the devil. A wife can never become one with her husband by becoming a man. She will always be a woman…… the weaker vessel. The goal in marriage is not for the husband and his wife to think alike, (though sometimes the may), but for them to think together.
In the ancient time, one wise king asked how he could live in peace with his wife. And he got this in response: “by recognizing that women are by nature headstrong and energetic in the pursuit of their own desires, and subject to sudden changes of opinion through fallacious reasoning, and their nature is essentially weak. It is therefore necessary to deal wisely with them and not to provoke strife”. We should fight sin not nature. This answer, like a ripe apple from the tree of life was true then and true today.
Let it not be said that you could not finish the house that you started to build. Let no one put asunder. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. There is no expiring date in every marriage certificate. Couples must learn to see perfection in imperfection. A happy marriage is a union of two people who are ever ready to forgive. Humans are fallible; forgive your spouse in advance. Be as a wise man who built his house on the rock; and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. Our Creator hates divorce and violence, avoid them. The worst failure is failure in marriage. What bothers me most about divorce is how two lovers who could not do without each other can now become enemies. The enemy has done this. To avoid divorce, let courting couples consider compatibility in gene, blood group, astrology, libido, social and religious inclinations. Let them avoid a third party in their marriage, and live separately from parents. Adam and Eve were naked before each other and were not ashamed. Husband and wife should be naked before each other (open to each other), having nothing to hide. Speaking truth one to another. There is a great liberty that comes from having nothing to hide. Our integrity maybe a means of saving our sons and daughters when they see the truth of our religion proved by our righteous way of life. Let me make sure it is so and not to be content with merely admitting that so it ought to be. When a marriage has clearly ceased to have any meaning because of deliberate repudiation of it by the action of one of the parties, it may become necessary to take cognizance of the fact and do the needful. I know that divorce is bad, but getting out of a failed marriage is better than getting into a coffin.
Couples are advised to avoid pregnancy whenever there is bitterness in the heart. Conception should be only through a bona fide conjugal love. Children conceived in a coitus when there is bitterness in the heart are usually stubborn, and they enjoy practicing wickedness. Let every copulation be a true love-making. Be wise, he who plays the pipe decides the tone.
Of all persecutions or troubles, the hardest to bear is that of one’s household. Work hard to see that there is peace in your family. Behold how good and how pleasant it is for a family to dwell together in love, peace and unity.
LET EACH ONE OF YOU IN PARTICULAR SO LOVE HIS OWN WIFE AS HIMSELF, AND LET THE WIFE SEE THAT SHE RESPECTS HER HUSBAND.
-BKC YAHKA